“Being healed or whole is one the greatest successes in life that one could ever experience.” – Camille Essick
Have you ever noticed some of your greatest ideas, moments of motivation, or periods of productivity came AFTER being released from a job, friendship, or relationship? Why? Sometimes, we came become so wrapped up in person, place, or situation, we negated our own inner compass or that little voice telling us to explore a different path. It may be out fear in knowing the exploration of this new path is a less traveled path. As a result, we know the journey will be a lonely one. Release is powerful, even when we do not realize it. In life, we all experience release at some point. It may come from a job, relationship, friendship, or even a combination off three – maybe even at the same time. Initially, one may experience confusion, anger, regret, sadness, or all of the above at various stages in life. The key is to not become stuck in any of these stages once the release has taken place. Take a moment and think of people you know bookmarked in various chapters of life when it comes to anger, confusion, or sadness- all resulting from experience a form of release or separation from someone or something. They became so fixated on the loss, they failed to see what was truly gained. Release or separation is not always a bad thing. It is an opportunity to reflect on the experience and take inventory of self. One of life’s greatest fears is the fear of the unknown. And yet, there is a greater power at work directing our purpose, our future, and our destiny to something greater than we could even imagine. Because we are purposed, our path MUST forge with our destiny. In doing so, a release must take place. That release, like the first domino in a chain reaction, triggers a series of events that shifts the path of our current journey. What may initially seem hurtful or confusing, actually becomes an opportunity to explore a new idea, talent, or skill. The break or release transforms into a place of production, creativity, and enlightenment. It is just a matter of how the release is perceived. The moment you realize the blessing of a release is moment you begin to embrace your victory.
As a single woman, I had to first acknowledge I was hurting. How many times have you heard someone ask you, “Hey, how are you doing?” and you reply, “Oh girl, I’m good.”? Once I admit I was holding to some past hurts, I then had to investigate the core or the source of that pain. It is during this phase, you be totally honest with yourself. I can guarantee you what and how you are feeling or holding onto goes beyond your last relationship. I challenge you to dig deeper. How does this tie into dating, Camille? I am glad you asked because I was just about to tell you. We are like airplanes. An airplane’s ability to fly at higher altitudes is contingent on how much weight it is carrying. Too much weight can slow down the speed of the plane, limit its ability to soar to higher elevations, or even cause it to crash. In order to fly higher and safely reach your divine destination, you must drop the excess baggage. You will be able to fully enjoy all of the blessings God has for you if you do not drop the baggage. Some of the people are you holding grudges with have gone on with their lives, gotten married, had children, and some of them are no longer alive. What is even crazier, you can be upset with someone that said something to you ten years ago and the offender fought what they said to you, yet you have been the one still holding to that conversation or comment. Release is a powerful action. Release brings peace and greater clarity. It is like opening a door or window in a stuffy room in need of fresh air. When you decide to release the hurts from your past, you also allow giving yourself permission to love yourself in a greater capacity. In turn, you can love and be loved in a greater capacity. Why continue to live a limited life? Why love with a cloud hanging over your head? I am not saying to be blind when it comes to dating. However, when you are living a present life in a mindset that still battles past pain, it is like attempting to drive forward while staring in the rear-view mirror. You are bound to crash. Acknowledge and unpack the pain, the hurt, and the apologies you may never receive. Take the time to reinvest in yourself. You deserve a relationship that is fulfilling. It is not only fair to yourself, but also to the other person you are dating. How can a relationship reach its fullest potential when it is limited by past hurts or traumas from one or both parties in the relationship?
In search of healing, we begin to search for a voice or a place of relevance. We desire a connection with something or someone to validate where and whom we are mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually – as if to say, “Yes, I have been there” or “Yeah, me too”. The greatest falsehood in adversity is isolation. I am writing to you in hopes of creating that place of connection, tearing down the mirage of isolation. But what is so amazing is knowing that you did not just “survive” it, but also that you are thriving and now able to be transparent about it for the healing of others. The first step to healing is desiring it. The second step is pursuing it.
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